生活,一半是回忆,一半是继续。
Life has been difficult and not very kind towards my situation - personal well-being, career and relationships. It completely exhaust my mental and emotions to the extend that I affected the people around me. There are always full of doubts in the corner of my brain; especially self-doubt as much as confidence is all written over my face. I thought I have been enough of situations in life until I met someone that truly give me a different perspective of life. I wonder, how can we share the same thoughts and heartfelt while I am still experiencing something so different. Apparently, we can and it happen.
Leap of faith was what brought us together and what I move along with. Except I feel that I could have done better in approaching it. It's a unusual situation that naturally makes me grow further - understanding the new "gameplay" and accepting the differences. With all honesty, it was scary. Never had I feel a certain way, compromise or be that understanding; covering more aspects in a relationship. Yet the usual fuck it was what moves me further. Indeed it was scary at the same time fill up with full of excitement - although with all the ups and downs. For years and for once, I truly feel the willingness to finally take a step out of my comfort zone and open that gate for that one person to enter behind the walls that I build up overtime.
Perhaps that is why -- Insecurities.
Here are also the potential situations that will happen when one of us - me who are sensitive generally. Feeling things in a deeper level allows me to pick up some sense from others or even the feelings, to show the some empathy or care that I wouldn't want to miss out. Well, which can be a curse that cause some self-destruction along way when being used wrongly like what it does to me recently.
When I came to my senses, there are indeed a lot of other factors that have caused these damages that I have missed out on myself along the way. I was too busy with other things in life that I forgot that one day all those will come crawling back and hit me. Which was what happened. You don't know where it came from when it hit and like a domino effect, it hits all parts of my life and even someone I love. All because of the wrong focus.
Cannot deny this part of me. The time when everything are piling up and screwing up. Too much. No idea where to start clearing it off, I would have yearn for my love one who will tell me is okay instead of people telling all the pointers that could have gone wrong. However, we should already know we are all responsible for ourselves and not from others. Not even our own partner, maybe.
All of us just need that one person to see you for you. Recognising you, accepting the difference and to go through it together. I choose to believe that I will meet that one person who stays. That person who can still stand in front of you and genuinely find ways together with you and make it work. As much as I have seemingly too flawed, it is what I need. It is a simple as if we cannot have consensus with anything - the good or bad, then what are we fighting towards too.
You are the key.
