Raiki Kazuma

 I had reached to a point that I realised I am slowly growing out of it. Detaching because it's redundant as much as I yearned. Accepting that people are not as appreciative as they themselves seek for appreciation. I tried, I tried too hard. Let things be as it is as people wish it is like for them. 

10 freaking years. That part of memory was lost along with the post that I deleted in these recent years. Just maybe, I should have kept it. It had always act as a reminder of the happenings. What a short period, yet very  impactful. Just imagine the amount of quality times. There are some months of the years that are just hard to get by without reflecting on conversations. People questioned about the complicated life I led. I question too and never wanted to mention that perhaps, I do experienced before - the uncomplicated one. The one really hit me the most on the later stage of my life. I almost forgotten all about it until I just got experience the same feeling again. All the delusions.

  Life has been difficult and not very kind towards my situation - personal well-being, career and relationships. It completely exhaust my mental and emotions to the extend that I affected the people around me. There are always full of doubts in the corner of my brain; especially self-doubt as much as confidence is all written over my face. I thought I have been enough of situations in life until I met someone that truly give me a different perspective of life. I wonder, how can we share the same thoughts and heartfelt while I am still experiencing something so different. Apparently, we can and it happen. Leap of faith was what brought us together and what I move along with. Except I feel that I could have done better in approaching it. It's a unusual situation that naturally makes me grow further - understanding the new "gameplay" and accepting the differences. With all honesty, it was scary. Never had I feel a certain way, compromise or be that understanding; covering m...

抱一抱 就當作從沒有在一起 好不好 要解釋都已經來不及 算了吧 我付出過甚麼沒關係 我忽略自己 就因為遇見你 沒辦法 好可怕 那個我 不像話 一直奮不顧身 是我太傻 *說不上愛別說謊 就一點喜歡 說不上恨別糾纏 別裝作感嘆 就當作我太麻煩 不停讓自己受傷 我告訴我自己 感情就是這樣 怎麼一不小心太瘋狂 抱一抱 再好好覺悟不能長久 好不好 有虧欠我們都別追究 算了吧 我付出再多都不足夠 我終於得救 我不想再獻醜 沒辦法 不好嗎 大家都 不留下 一直勉強相處 總會累垮 Repeat* 別後悔 就算錯過 在以後 你少不免想起我 還算不錯 當我不在你會不會難過 你夠不夠我這樣灑脫 說不上愛別說謊 就一點喜歡 說不上恨別糾纏 別裝作感嘆 將一切都體諒 將一切都原諒 我嘗試找答案 而答案很簡單 簡單得很遺憾 因為成長 我們逼不得已要習慣 因為成長 我們忽爾間說散就散

That day, I read over and thought about it again.. I snapped. It was what made me realized that I probably already draw a line around my partner which can't be crossed by anyone whether how it started or for whatever reason. Putting aside love, it's probably because I know her well enough that made myself stand in front of her. After all, I put her first before it comes to myself. Consequence? Leave it for later. Although I am the one to be blamed, i t otally cannot deny that I'm half glad that all these happened even if I did reached the limit. Life is cruel, there's really no 100% trust between humans and how do people measure amount of trust actually? Like "Trust me, I will know what to do." How much do you trust? Everyone does have something to hide, no matter what and even because of fear. No one can really deny there's this side of them. I believe in 99.9% trust thou. 0.1% to remind myself not to take things for granted and your partner will be ...